The Girl

Here’s a short story that Jonah wrote and turned in on April 12, 2013. The writing prompt was called “Behind the Hidden Door”: You are visiting someone who lives in a very old house. While exploring the house, you discover a door hidden behind some curtains. In several paragraphs, write what happens when you open the door.

The Girl

On a chilly afternoon, Jonah Rigotti and Sammy Damnand were walking down an old street. Suddenly they were blocked by an even older house. Jonah asked Sammy, “Did you see a sign that said Dead End,” and Sammy said “No”. “Well, we should explore the house,” said Jonah and Sammy said, “We could give it a try.” They went inside. It was dark. Sammy started to say, “Let’s go…”, “Over there,” finished Jonah. “I was about to say ‘Let’s go home!” said Sammy. But Jonah went where he indicated and slammed into a door.

Sammy started to laugh, but suddenly there was a CRASH. Sammy said “Where did it come from?” and Jonah said “Inside the door.” He started to open the door but there was a blood-scurling scream. Suddenly, a young man flew out of the door, knocked both children down, and yelled, “I’m out of here!” “What was that all about?” asked Sammy. “Let’s find out,” said Jonah. He opened the door.

Sitting in the middle of the room was a girl about 15 years old. Jonah felt something wet at his ankle. He looked down, and yelped. The room was covered with bloody corpses. Sammy ran to the door, but it was locked. Suddenly the girl started to…talk. “Hello, my name is Triniby, who are you? Bla, bla, bla,…” she droned on and on.

18 hours later, Sammy fell to the floor. Triniby grabbed a straw, plucked it in Sammy’s mouth and started drinking her blood. She made a huge mess. Then she turned towards Jonah and started talking.

But Jonah was prepared. In a flash, he jumped out of the window, and ran. He ran like a cheeta. He would never go back in an old house alone again.

The End.


What I love about these stories is the glimpse I get of Jonah’s inner world. He’s clearly the hero of his scenario and the sneak peeks we get are revealing: the words he spells phonetically (“blood-scurling”, “Triniby”) and the names of his characters: Sammy is also the name of a girl he has had an on-again, off-again crush on.

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